Loriville Gazette
2003 Oct 11 hanging in there

Hi.

Nothing much to see here. I'm still sick. I thought this morning sickness had gone for good because I could function for a few days last week. I actually felt okay! But then it hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday.

Morning sickness feels like a horrendous hangover that won't go away. It is unacceptable. I want to die! If I get through this first trimester, I don't think I'll ever have another kid for as long as I live.

My magical food last week was salt & vinegar potato chips and hot chocolate. However, now I'm sickened by both of them. I'm running out of tolerable foods! The two foods that are consistently good to me are potatoes (a la French fries) and white rice. Ugh!

Oh, and I forgot to mention that the severe indigestion has set in. I was happily taking Mylanta and Tums... until I got a bad case of constipation. Needless to say, I'm still trying to recover....

This pregnancy stuff is horrific beyond description.

And, sorry, but I do not feel relieved at all when good-willed people say to me, "Don't worry, it should only last another four weeks." Four weeks?! I don't even think I can make it to tomorrow! The comment is totally bizarre to me. Is it supposed to make me feel better?

Sadly, I have yet to feel truly excited about this pregnancy because I've felt so horrible... and I can't help wondering, "What kind of a parent am I going to make when I feel so bad all the time and have absolutely zero energy?" I know it's irrational. I can't even remember what it feels like to feel normal. I have to keep reminding myself, 'I will feel like myself again someday.' It's my mantra.

M and I went to Crissy Field today to watch the Blue Angels. I saw cute little kids playing in the sand and all I wanted to do was throw up.

The weather was gorgeous. It looks like fall but feels like summer. After the show, we ate popsicles and watched the boats on the bay.

I leave for Sacramento tomorrow. Zaugi, Troll, and I are headed up to the foothills to spend the holiday weekend together to belatedly celebrate our birthdays. Tomorrow we are going to go to Apple Hill, then get massages before having a nice dinner. We're staying at a little inn tomorrow night. We're going to do our own facials and pedicures that night in our hotel room. On Monday, we'll visit some wineries... where I'll drink water. I hope I'm feeling up to all these activities.

Well, that's all that's new with me here in Loriville. Hopefully there will be some exciting stuff (i.e. less whining) to read next time you check in.

back & forth
recently...

quick recap - 2007 July 13
Happy August! - 2006 Aug 01
I dream of Albuquerque - 2006 Jul 08
mindstorm - 2006 Jun 30
Pomegranate scale - 2006 Jun 24