Things are getting theatrical over here and my patience is growing thin.

It's sort of humorous that Mimi, aka Zen Girl, mentioned zen today because I've been having discussions about zen with a friend of mine over the course of the last two days. This particular friend and I are very close to the breaking point and need some relief. We're exploring all our options.

By the way, what happens after the 'breaking point'? Insanity? Hospitalization? Never mind, maybe I don't want to know....

The bottom line is that my patience has been stretched to the limit and I need relief. If anyone has any calming thoughts to throw my way, please do. I'm at the end of my rope. I'd like to attain Zen Girl status.

My car. Wouldn't you know it but I spent $1,500 and it now takes 15-20 minutes to warm up in the morning or else it dies repeatedly and has trouble starting. Yesterday, it died in the middle of the damn road and would not start again very easily! The other drivers were pretty angry.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that my hazard lights currently don't work so the other drivers probably thought that I, you know, parked my car in the middle of the street.

And, also, now the fuel smell that wafts into the car is much worse than it was before.

As of last weekend, one of my stereo speakers is acting up (a different speaker than last time). The vibrational buzzing is maddening. Turning down the volume just makes it worse because I don't hear any music, only buzzing.

I can tell you one thing: I did not need this stress on top of everything else I'm dealing with. Needless to say, I'm taking the car back to the auto shop today sometime. It's just such a hassle when I have to take vacation time from work to do it.

One thing I'm doing that is hopefully helping with stess is Ashtanga yoga. It hurts like hell during the poses and I'm usually sore for 3 or 4 days afterward so you can imagine how good I feel when the pain is finally gone. Ha ha ha!

Tim, the instructor, is fablous. He really pushes you to your limit and says enlightening and/or funny things in the process:

"Let the pain out! If you don't let the pain out, you won't get stronger."

and

"Appreciate your body. Even your weak arms."

and

"Quiet your mind. Your body does not need your thoughts to go on living."

That last one was a revelation. Not that I really believed that I would die if I didn't think about things... but it was good to hear it and be reminded.

On a positive note, I think we found a new rehearsal dinner site. However, the nice phone woman said she was going to email me the banquet menu two days ago and I still haven't received it.

On another note, I've come to terms with my "anti-bride" label. I didn't even know what that term meant until yesterday... when I realized it means something along the lines of not being all "bride-y bride" and traditional.

For example:

-I'm not wearing white. I look washed out and sickly in white. Ditto for ivory.

-I'm not wearing a veil. I shudder at the thought of a flimsy piece of material wafting behind me.

-I'm not getting married in a church. I'm not religious; I don't see the point.

-Frankly, I could care less about which flowers my florist decides to use in my bouquet. I saw her fabulous portfolio and, therefore, I trust her creative expertise.

-M and I spent an insane amount of time composing the ceremony structure and content because it's the single most important part of the day. From what I've observed, many couples don't put a single thought into it. That just boggles my mind.

-I am so not looking forward to being the focal point of the day. I don't like being the center of attention. The thought of everyone staring at me just makes me edgy and tense.

-We are not doing a bouquet toss or a garter throw. I always thought this was so condescending when I was a singleton... as in, "Hey! Come catch my bouquet/garter so that you can be married, too! Aren't you jealous of me?!" It always seemed so pompous.

-We are not buying special toasting glasses or a special cake cutter/server. Why? We'd never use them again.

-M and I are paying for and planning the entire things ourselves, except for the flowers. Zaugi graciously offered to pay for them... which turned out to be much higher than our original estimate. Zaugi's the greatest mom on the planet for doing that. (Side note: *Why* are flowers so expensive?)

-I might possibly be more excited about the honeymoon. Australia and New Zealand, here we come!

-I didn't want a big wedding in the first place. It was Maurice's hair-brained idea. In retrospect, I wish I'd somehow been able to change his mind. I only wanted M and didn't feel compelled to throw a big expensive party.

I'd better get going. I have a truckload of work to do and I need to call the auto shop to ask them when I can bring the car in.

Have a super weekend!