Loriville Gazette
2001 Dec 03 weekend happenings

I made this mistake of going to the circus (i.e. mall) on Saturday because Macys was having a sale on their salad spinners. I desperately needed a salad spinner. I�m so, so tired of using terry cloth towels to dry off greens in a sub-standard manner. Drying off greens with a towel does not work unless you dry off each lettuce leaf one by one� and who has time for that? Certainly not me.

I had no idea the circus was going to be so crazy on the first day of December. I finally found parking in Turkey, with great difficulty. Macys was ludicrously busy. Plus, I couldn�t� find anything and the aisles were extremely narrow. It didn�t help that I was lugging my winter coat and umbrella and knocking things off racks as I walked by.

Since the bras were also on sale, I tried on about a dozen. Why is finding a proper-fitting bra so damned hard?! Not one single bra fit right. I�m at the unfortunate size of being between a B and C cup. If I were a C cup, I could wear the �super support� bras, or whatever they�re called. B cups don�t come in �super support� and, as a result, my boobs end up looking sad and droopy.

It didn�t take me long to become angry enough to leave the dressing room. I then headed to the coat department because I�m kind of interested in getting a black wool coat and the coats were also on sale. By this time, I was carrying a huge salad spinner box, my winter coat, my umbrella, and my purse. I finally found the coat department, but not without knocking things over in the interim. I placed all my things suspiciously on the floor while I tried to look at the coats calmly (although I was painfully aware that my stuff could be snatched up any minute). I finally found a coat I LOVE� but to my dismay, they didn�t have my size. Aaargghhhh!!! By this time, I noticed that I was extremely thirsty.

To get something to drink, I had to head into the circus. I obviously didn�t want to do that. I ignored my thirst, thinking it could wait until I got home. No, my thirst would have none of that.

So I had to head back down to the housewares department to buy the salad spinner. There were huge lines everywhere, of course (what was I thinking?!). I finally made the purchase then headed into the circus.

After quenching my thirst I thought, �what the hell? I�m here and I really don�t want to come back here anytime soon so I might as well begin some Christmas shopping�. And I did. Not much, but at least it�s a start.

So that was Saturday.

Yesterday, M introduced me to �song-stealing� on the internet. How addictive! He uses Morpheus to find and download songs he wants to add to his collection. I thought up some crazy songs I hadn�t heard in years and asked him to download them. Songs included:

  • Natural One � Folk Implosion

  • Goin� Back to Cali � LL Cool J

  • Boogie Nights � Heatwave

  • Escape (The Pina Colada Song) � Rupert Holmes

  • Me So Horny � 2 Live Crew

  • Sex Dwarf � Soft Cell

  • Emotional Rescue � Rolling Stones

  • Drivers Seat � Sniff N� The Tears

  • Upside Down � Diana Ross
  • I got such a kick out of it! I forced M to listen to Sex Dwarf because it�s sooooo funny. �That�s so baked�, was his comment. Unfortunately, the Me So Horny version we downloaded was the �nasty version�, unbeknownst to us. All I can say is yikes.

    Afterward, we went to dinner then saw Harry Potter.

    And that was my weekend.

    Today, I�m using my crockpot for the second time this year. When I get home tonight, I�ll be greeted with the wonderful aroma of beef stew. Wooohoooo!

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