Loriville Gazette
2001 Aug 22 greener pastures

I was just cleaning up some old emails in my email account and came across one that I sent to my friend, Erik, four years ago this month. It was not a happy time in my life. I had a hellish job... and it didn't help that I was living in hell (a la Orange County, southern California). How times change.

Unfortunately, this email made me remember how terrible my life used to be. However, it also helped me to realize that I really am fortunate to be where I am today. I live in my dream city and I have a job I love. "I have a job I love." How many people can really say that? I know a lot of people that hate their jobs. I used to be one of them.

The letter goes like this:

Hey Erik,

It was great talking with you today! Too bad I was at... work. (I hate to even say that word.)

How are you adjusting to the culture shock/jetlag? Just keep on doing what you planned: to stay up late tonight so you can get yourself back to your normal internal clock.

The past couple weeks at work have been tremendously horrendous. So much so that I contemplated quitting last week, without even a backup job on hand! Somtimes I think I'm going nuts. I got terribly sick last Thursday because my stomach was tied up in knots the day before. I came home from work on Wednesday crying so hard. And then the next day, I was sick with a toxic stress headache. I felt panic just by the thought of the office.

It's all because CompanyX is based around the notion (as far as I can tell) that you shouldn't have a personal life -- that work comes first. I don't want to live like that.

So,... I know the stress isn't good for me. I need to leave immediately.

I did a strange thing on Thursday when i was laying in bed: I called up that company that I had interviewed with when I had interviewed with CompanyX. I called them and asked them if they had any positions available!!! They actually said that they probably did, and that they'd get back to me this week. Well, today when I got home there was a message on the machine saying that they were going to hold off on hiring anyone for couple more months, even though they were pretty busy. Oh, well.

I got into work on Friday... and guess what? My guardian angel must have been doing some "work" for me behind the scenes because there was a voicemail from the day before (Thursday, when I was sick in bed from stress) from a guy who used to work at CompanyX, and I only knew him briefly -- I probably only worked with him a total of two weeks before he left to work for another company.

Anyway, he just relocated to San Francisco about a month ago because he was offered a very nice job at CompanyA in San Francisco. So... he was calling to see if I was interested in a job at CompanyA because they were hiring landscape architects, esp. ones with Microstation experience (which I had to learn once I joined CompanyX -- for the L.A. River project). Since I am one of very few people at CompanyX who actually knows Microstation, and because when he was in the office on his last day gathering his belongings, I whispered to him that I was trying to get a relocation to San Francisco, he thought of me when they told him they were looking for someone to hire.

I was overjoyed with his message and immediately called him to tell him that I was interested, but that I, of course, could not talk about it there on the CompanyX phones. I gave him my home number and told him to call me the next morning (Saturday).

Well, he did, and we had a comforting (for me) conversation about the work environment at CompanyX. He says that he had to leave because "it was getting so bad and it was obvious that it wasn't getting better." (He was at the Irvine location for a year, after working 2 years at the Alexandria, VA office.) At least I know I'm not crazy and hallucinating up the whole damned stressful CompanyX experience.

Anyway, he told me that he recommended me to the Human Resources person, and that she was expecting a resume. I got the resume in the mail yesterday morning. Hopefully I'll hear something soon. I'm at my wits end with my job....

But here's another thing: That same Friday, a guy that I work with (who's somewhat of a friend,... he knows that I don't like the office stress) told me, "That guy at CompanyB is still hiring... he was asking about you at my girlfriend's office." (His girlfriend is a landscape architect, too.) I told him I had no idea that I would be qualified for the position, since I saw a job listing on the landscape architect's web page for the firm. I told this guy that I work with that I'd call CompanyB and get the scoop....

So that's another idea. The only thing is that the office is located in San Clemente (which is great, but not so great because I eventually want to be back in northern Cal... and why switch jobs down here in the same area if I know I don't want to stay here?).

So that's the top secret newsbreak. I sure hope something pans out. I think I'm going to break my lease, because I don't think I'll be able to live (literally) if I stay with CompanyX to wait out my lease. My life is beyond terrible.

Well, dammit, wouldn't you know it but I have a headache (I had another stressful day at the office -- the LA River project is driving me insane because the Corps and the County can't come to agreement on what they want... and we're in 100% design documents!!!). It keeps my blood pressure up and my stress levels high. I'm taking Friday off, dammit, because my mom is flying in that morning. To hell with the project! I'll dump it over on someone else (the project manager is out of the office for the next couple weeks, and so I'm in charge). Ugh.

Well, I'd better get rolling so I can get to bed at a decent hour.

As you can probably guess, a lot of ludicrous things had happened recently at CompanyX to boil my blood. Plus, I was leading a miserable life, working 70 hours a week in addition to living behind the "Orange Curtain" (Orange County) with a failing marriage engagement to Ratbert... and with no friends or family around for moral support.

I want to cry when I think about it. I was at rock bottom. Maybe that 'rock bottom point' was where I started making changes for the better... although at the time I didn't know it was going to be for the better. I just knew I couldn't continue on AT THAT POINT for much longer or else I would die (maybe literally, maybe not literally; I didn't know). So I made gradual changes.

And eventually I arrived.

back & forth
recently...

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